Monday Lifelines

From Kaz Cooke’s “The little book of diet and exercise”:

To aid weight loss, wrap your body in seaweed and have a sauna. Then drink a plankton smoothie and practise fainting.

Ballet moves can help tone muscle and improve grace and posture. Run around, leap into the air occasionally and repeatedly hurl yourself sobbing to the ground, claiming to be a giant swan.

What do you mean, ‘Does my bum look fat in these pants?’? Don’t you mean, ‘Are these pants badly designed by some ego-frenzied rip-off merchant who skimps on fabric and couldn’t even cut a sandwich properly?’?

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