From “Løst in Tränšlatioπ” by Charlie Croker.
About swimming pools…
Hotel pool, Istanbul, Turkey:
No diving. No nakedness. No ruining.
Swimming is forbidden in the absence of the savior.
Plantation Bay resort, Philippines:
Swimming pool suggestions: Open 24 hours. Lifeguard on duty 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Drowning absolutely prohibited.
Do not use the diving board when the swimming pool is empty.