These quotes are from Stewart Francis, one-liners I heard on the radio (maybe not word for word but I think I got the gist of it).

Heard about these new air conditioners? I’m not a fan.

I used to sell loose onions until I got the sack.

My wife left me for a fisherman. I was gutted. She was quite a catch.

I used to be a plastic surgeon, which raised quite a few eyebrows.

And about Egypt: Come on, where is your sense of hummus? I can’t eat Egyptian food, it makes me feel awful.